The mundane nature of our existence does not lend itself well to exciting revelations or inspired authoring, but getting the gaggle of women off my back has provided ample motivation.

Upon checking the date of the last blog entry, I was surprised to find that 3 months has elapsed since I bothered to put fingers to keyboard and update the masses on what has transpired inside the walls of the asylum.

Sarah is a late comer to the “terrible twos” but seems to relish the role. She has taken to whining, temper tantrums and use of the word “no” with a zeal that is impressive if only for the consistency in which she uses it. There are glimpses of our happy, content little girl, but I think she merely lulling us into a false sense of security before dropping the hammer.

Our initial worry that she was not communicating well has been laid to rest. She is now able to speak in full sentences and is adequately, dare I say vehemently, articulating her displeasure with our decisions. I am trying to get her to work on her debating skills because the simple “I don’t like it” hardly qualifies as a moving argument for overriding our choice in meals or TV program choices.

I have come to think of Sarah as our own little Jeckyll and Hyde: sweet and innocent one moment and head-spinning spawn of something unholy the next.

I don’t want to portray Sarah in only a negative light, so I will throw in some of those “precious little moments” we hold on to for dear life.

è    Sarah’s unwavering admiration and sense of hero worship towards Jess has me perplexed. I have yet to understand the genesis of these feelings and can’t comprehend why I am frequently referred to in the negative … must be all those times I made her pick up her toys, an occurrence she seems to have likened to torturous child labor.

è    She frequently refers to Brennan as “my baby boy” and is assuming the role of protector and guardian. There is no issue with jealousy in this house, but if he lays a hand on Dora she will open a can of whoop ass and feed him his nuts.

è    She still sleeps through the night. Come to think of it, I can’t remember a time when she woke up in the middle of the night. She seems to have inherited her mother’s ability to sleep like the dead.

è    She enjoys helping Jess bake, or more specifically she enjoys eating the ingredients and adheres to the philosophy that the process of baking in the oven is a waste of perfectly good batter.

è    She has a fondness for playing in her sandbox and seems to be headed for a career in construction – she moves a lot of dirt around but doesn’t make any headway on a project; she vastly underestimates the time it will take to move the sand from one meaningless location to another; she breaks frequently and is distracted by passersby; and she is easily annoyed by the mere mention of employing a different method in her sand destruction … er, construction projects. .

è    She continues to grow at a frightening rate. I fully expect to wake up one morning and find a 6-foot 3-year old waiting to kick the crap out of me for rousing her at an the ungodly hour of 9am.

Having said all that, she is still our little angel and can do no wrong … well, most of the time. When she is happy and smiling her face will melt your heart, but when she gets herself all wound up like a convict denied parole it is best to find any excuse to get the hell out of the house first.

Brennan is the yang to Sarah’s yin.

Brennan’s physical growth would probably be classed as average, but he is rapidly approaching his first birthday and transitioning from infant to toddler.

His teeth are late coming in, with only the bottom 2 and one of the top teeth currently visible, looking vaguely like a redneck inbreeder from the Deliverance who never met a toothbrush he liked.

He has more hair than Sarah did at his age but he too is still a very light shade of blond. Considering the pigmentation of yours truly and his mother, I am still perplexed as to how he ended up with such fair hair. Or to put a finer edge on the point, I am beginning to think I should pay close attention to the UPS driver who drops off the Victorias Secret packages.

Brennan can’t quite walk unassisted, but when properly motivated he will walk up to 6 or 7 steps without support. This is truly amazing to us because our baby girl was obstinate and refused to walk until 14 months, something I attribute to Lloyd carrying her everywhere (why walk when someone is willing to carry your ass?!?!).

Brennan is very specific in what he wants, usually devolving into a pile of screaming limbs when we pull an object away from him or tell him for the one millionth time to stay out of the freaking kitchen drawers. I know he understands the word “no” but thinks his “I am too cute to punish” smile will get him out of trouble … it used to work, until he reprogrammed the ExpressVu dish to pick up programs from mainland China.

Unlike Sarah he has taken to drinking milk without having to be bribed or tied down. In general he is a good eater, when the menu appeals to his palette. Repeated attempts to get him to eat ground chicken or beef have been rebuffed, unless the meat is mixed with a healthy portion of sweet potatoes. The resulting mess seems to please him but makes me queasy.

Brennan, like Sarah, is so regular that his dumps can be used to determine the time of day with an accuracy rivaling that of a Swiss watch.

Brennan started swimming and as you would expect has taken to the water. The thing I can’t figure is whether Brennan likes the water because it gives him a chance to piss all over us without getting in a heap of trouble, or if he likes listening to the neurotic parents try to convince their drooling offspring that the 2010 Olympics is a reasonable goal … more likely it is just me that enjoys listening to that crap and he relishes every opportunity to empty his bladder in the pool.

Brennan’s development continues at a breakneck speed, much to the dismay of Jess and I. The cries of babies and the joy they bring is soon to be a distant memory, to be replaced by other, hopefully enjoyable, sounds.

Future blog topics will include our pending trip to the cottage later this summer, the ouster of the Senators from the playoffs (hopeful prognostication) and the forthcoming birthday parties for the kids.