Today I saw a woman walking down the road dragging her 4 year old daughter by the arm, screaming at her and telling her she was "no good". So today I vent.

 

Someone needs to explain to me why there are so many "bad" parents in the world.

 

"Bad" parenting, as defined by me, is the abject lack of affection, discipline and communication in a child's life. Providing the basic necessities of life is not enough, we must ensure our children are prepared for a rapidly evolving world by being physically and emotionally secure, educated and possessing of sufficient knowledge and confidence to tackle life's challenges.

Admittedly, not every parent will raise the most well-adjusted honors student, but the effort to do what is right for your child is what matters. Further, it is our actions and not just intent that will ultimately decide what kind of person we send forth into the world.

 

Walk through a mall or down a street and you will encounter someone screaming at their kid, possibly spanking them or, my personal pet peeve, dragging them by the arm because they aren't walking fast enough. Go just about anywhere and you will endure kids screaming and behaving badly, showing a complete lack of respect to those around them.

 

Children learn behavior, they aren't born that way. Similarly, the way we parent will influence the way our children will raise their own children years down the road. It is the reason why children that are physically or sexually abused have a higher likelihood of committing those same acts against their own children or spouses. It is the reason why children raised in racist families continue the cycle of ignorant bigotry.

 

But it isn't like there is a dearth of resources available to guide us on the journey. Books, classes, family/friends and TV all inundate us with parenting tips. Granted, if a parent simply does not care or seemingly desires to warp their child's mind with racist or sexist stereotypes, all the Dr. Phil in the world isn't going to help.

 

We have all heard someone say, at one point or another, that people are required to get a license to drive a car but any ass can become a parent.

 

Leaving aside those people show an absence of common sense or desire to improve the lives of their children, it is the well-intentioned people who raise demonic offspring that confuse me.

 

In the U.S. 66.8% of US households have basic cable. That means there are a lot of people out there with access to television shows that provide information on "how to" parent, ranging from the hokey Dr. Phil to the fix-it-in-a-week Super Nanny and Nanny 911, to the more interesting shows that use real psychologists who actually delve into child behavior. In the case of the latter, the Life Network's  'Life's Real Families" with Michael Weiss is a must see - you won't always agree with him but at least he puts things into perspective.

 

Jess and I approach parenting as a constantly evolving dynamic between us and the kids. We walk in lockstep, ensuring that we agree on how to approach an issue rather than confusing the kids with mixed messages.

 

Last night I asked Sarah to help pick up her toys, which were strewn across the family room like land mines in Afghanistan. After months of work and discipline it was an enjoyable experience to get help from her last night as we cleaned up. She ran back and forth to her bedroom putting her dollies to sleep (aka dumping them in a toy bin); she put her blocks in the bag and picked up miscellaneous toys.  Admittedly, I did have to prompt her a few times but months of parenting work have finally paid off.

 

We did have a minor setback when she pitched a hissy fit and refused to go to bed, but like all things that was dealt with appropriately and instantly.

 

She is a happy, well-adjusted child who listens to us (mostly) and even helps out from time to time by picking up dropped items without much prompting. Is she perfect - hell no. She is 2 and slightly precocious, beginning to exercise her democratic right to say "no" 1000 times a day, but she is beginning to understand that there are things she can decide (yogurt or fruit; book A or book B) and things she can't (don't go near the stove, bedtime, etc).

 

We do not profess to be the perfect parents but Jess and I do pay attention to the nuggets of wisdom gleaned form the TV parenting shows and friends and family. We want our children to be independant, capable of understanding that the decisions they make come with consequences. We let them make small decisions today so they can understand and appreciate the significant ones tomorrow.

 

Raising kids isn't an exact science - you just have to care. Nobody knows how their young children will turn out 10, 15 or 20 years down the road, and possibly despite our best efforts and intentions they still make some bad decisions. But caring today may head off the mistakes in the future.

 

Hopefully that lady I saw today figures it out, for both their sakes.